his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
