Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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