I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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