So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
