Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
