You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
