All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
