I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
