That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize