Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
