I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
