I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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