My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
