Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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