no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
