i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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