HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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