Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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