i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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