i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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