Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
