i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
