i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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