i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
