My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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