yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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