Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
