it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
