I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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