Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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