i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
