I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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