oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her vagine was all disorganized.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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