What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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