Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
