so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
