I hate all girls vehemently.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
