and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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