so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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