yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
