Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
