Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
