hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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