good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
