That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
