Screwed.edu
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
