Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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