when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
