can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
