who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
