i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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