Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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