Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
