Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
