I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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