No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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