hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
