a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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