the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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