Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
