so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
