My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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