I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
