My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dude. I can hear the air.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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