Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
