i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
how do you play pong handcuffed?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
