i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dignity is for republicans.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize