jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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